White Thanksgiving

We had a White Thanksgiving this year and a beautiful sunset!

My fiance and I watched t.v. and then went to his great-grandmothers with some Thanksgiving dinner for her. We visited with her for about an hour and then headed back to my place and now he's playing my new play station 2 and I'm here writing.

I worked the last two thanksgivings to it was really nice to have this one off, but it also made me miss my family! My boyfriend's family celebrates the holidays so differently than mine does. No one gets together. Each family has their own meal if they have a special meal at all, and yet they all live within 1 mile of eachother. That doesn't make sense to me. Why should great-grandma eat alone when her daughters are just a few blocks away?

My family has always made a big deal out of the holidays. Tons of food to eat, fun games to play, people EVERYWHERE, cleaning, cooking and loving...I really miss that. As much as I love peace and quiet, I like my holidays loud. I like to help my grandma make raspberry pie and eat real mashed potatoes and watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade and talk to my aunts and uncles.

Anyway, enough.

It was a good Thanksgiving and I am thankful for that.

Being Twenty

Have you ever reached a certain age and realized you are not where/who you dreamed you would be? I'm 20 and so far from where I want to be. If someone looked at my life from the outside I am sure I wouldn't look so bad, but from the inside I know there is so much left to do. Yet, I'm tired too. I'm tired of everything. I work almost non-stop, I have few friends who actually know who I am, and I am lonely.

I was never the "typical" teenager, I was an old teenager. Now I'm an "adult" and more lost than ever. I know where I want to be, and I know generally how to get there, but bits and pieces of my map are missing and instead of buying a whole map I just get lost in the missing pieces.

It's not all me, part of it is the system of our wonderful world. I cannot afford college and yet am not elligibe for financial aid. So I must work and if I work I have little energy left to attend classes. I have been in college for 4 years now and I have nothing to show for it. Sure I have a 4.0, but that doen't go far without a degree to go with it.

And as much as I love the indiviuals I serve at work, I am very burned out, but where else does a young , degreeless woman find a job that pays enough to cover rent, bill, school and at least a little bit of a social life?

Alright, I'm rambling. I'm just now who I thought I would be. I'm not even who I want to be. I have made it a long way from rock bottom 4 years ago, but not far enough. It's amazing what one remembers about the day they realized they had hit the bottom and it's amazing how much the memory of that day haunts you. I need a degree in life reconstruction :-).