Ryan is out of town for work until tomorrow- so here it is almost midnight and Lily has been sleeping for 3 hours and I am wide awake! :) Lily has been a bit fussy the last few days so I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I hate not being able to make her happy- I nurse her, I change her, I play with her, I cuddle her, I sing to her, I read to her, but she still cries :(. Maybe she just misses her daddy?
I don't think I ever realized how consuming motherhood is. There are no breaks. There is no time alone. I'm not complaining- Lily is amazing and I love every moment with her, but it is overwhelming at times. I think breastfeeding makes things a bit more complicated- I can't run to the store without her because what if she gets hungry while I'm gone? I absolutely love nursing her but it does make it a bit more challenging to run errands and get things done. I do not regret my decision to breastfeed her because I know it is what is best for her, but sometimes I would like to run to the store without worrying about what happens if she needs to eat. I think I just need to get more comfortable with feeding her in public (because nursing her in a public restroom just isn't appealing!) and maybe then I won't feel so stuck inside.
After 2 days without Ryan I have to say kudos to single parents- I don't know how you do it!
We visited Ohio last week and Lily was able to meets Ryan's family! It was great seeing everyone there. I was able to see a few of my girl friends and it was so nice to be able to just sit and chat. Lily wasn't too impressed with the length of the drive but she did okay (she did scream from Buffalo to Rochester though, which was heartbreaking- and loud!).
Anyway, I'm dreading going back to work in a month....I know I've complained about being lonely at home all day, but I just don't want to have to leave Lily for 9 or 10 hours 5 days a week- it breaks my heart just thinking about it. If only we didn't have to pay any bills- LOL! Maybe I'll be able to go part-time next year- that would be so perfect, but we will have to see.
So...I guess I'm just rambling, I should probably try to get some rest.
