1st Baby Picture

I had my 2nd ultrasound yesterday. It was amazing- the baby hardly stayed still long enough to get a still shot- jumping and wiggling!

very brief update

In the months (alright...year) before getting pregnant I was really struggling. If you follow this blog at all you know that. But I was working on it. I was seeking healing rather than running from it. I was hurting but I was no longer curled into a powerless ball.

I know my 2 blogs regarding my baby didn't sound thrilled. That's really not the case. I did feel unprepared and very scared but I was also thrilled. Ryan and I had always planned on having children. But we had planned on waiting until I was done with school and we had a home (with more than one bedroom!). I was not dissapointed about learning I was pregnant. I was excited from the moment I found out and so was Ryan. I just wasn't (and probably still aren't) sure how to handle the change.

I allowed worry to control my emotions. Worry about the health and life of my child (every pregnants constant worry), worry about money, worry about housing, worried about childcare, worried about labor, worried about everything a pregnant woman can worry about. This curbed my excitement and honestly I think I let it ruin the first 8 weeks of my pregnancy.

Another issue I have been dealing with is understanding that I am still an individual. I am still me. I may be a mom, I may have a beautiful life growing inside of me, but I also still have needs, I also still have healing, I also still have struggles and I am working on learning that this is okay. The "mother" side of me wants everything to be perfect, it tells me that I must be perfect for my child, but in all reality if I do not continue to take care of myself emotionally and spiritally and work toward the healing I desired so strongly 3 months ago than I will never be the mother God has intended me to be. This is still a lesson in progress and something I struggle with daily, but I "know" I must take care of what is inside as much as I take care of my physical needs. It's okay to hurt and to struggle. If I don't let myself heal from past experiences and pain I will continue to be lead by them. I am a mom, but I am also me.

I may not be making any sense. Perhaps in a later post I will be able to make more sense of all this and write in more detail.

Anyway, baby is healthy- almost 12 weeks along!! I am due August 25, 2007!!