The Future
For the last year or so my focus has been almost entirely on the here and now. Each day is planned. Moday I get up at 8am. I get breakfast for Lily and I. We play. We read. I finish some last minute homework. I go to school. I get Lily lunch. I get her to nap. I go to work. I make dinner. I play with Lily. I put Lily to bed. I do homework. Everyday goes in pretty much this order. There is no time to think of tomorrow, next week or even next year. I don't know that this is a bad thing.
But there are days where it's more challenging to ignore the future. In less than 2 months I will have to find a daycare for Lily. In less than 2 months we will somehow have to squeeze $500-$1000 out of our pitiful paychecks every month to pay for this daycare, and I am pretty sure we won't be able to do that without debt . In 3 months I will be at Brockport and we will have to take out student loans. More debt. SOmething I had hoped to avoid. I think about going back to work full-time to help cover the cost of daycare, but then I worry about working full-time and going to school full-time and being a good mommy to Lily. I'm already having my butt kicked working part-time and attending MCC full-time.
It's overwhelming.
The thought of trusting my daughter into someone else's hand- someone who we are not related to and will never love her as we do, is the most challenging aspect of our near future. I'm not ready to give up finishing school, but I am wondering if I am just being selfish...
I know teaching will bring more financial security to our family. I know it is something that will bring me joy. I know my heart is with the city students of Rochester.
But I just don't see how it will all work out. So that is why I live day to day.
I have faith it will all come togther. I know God has all the details worked out. He would not have given me a heart for teaching...a heart for children unless he had a plan to use it.
And so tomorrow I will get up at 8am. Eat breakfast with Lily. I will finish my English paper. And go to school. and continue to go along in this life God has given me, trusting that all things work together for the good of those that love Him.
One day at a time.
But there are days where it's more challenging to ignore the future. In less than 2 months I will have to find a daycare for Lily. In less than 2 months we will somehow have to squeeze $500-$1000 out of our pitiful paychecks every month to pay for this daycare, and I am pretty sure we won't be able to do that without debt . In 3 months I will be at Brockport and we will have to take out student loans. More debt. SOmething I had hoped to avoid. I think about going back to work full-time to help cover the cost of daycare, but then I worry about working full-time and going to school full-time and being a good mommy to Lily. I'm already having my butt kicked working part-time and attending MCC full-time.
It's overwhelming.
The thought of trusting my daughter into someone else's hand- someone who we are not related to and will never love her as we do, is the most challenging aspect of our near future. I'm not ready to give up finishing school, but I am wondering if I am just being selfish...
I know teaching will bring more financial security to our family. I know it is something that will bring me joy. I know my heart is with the city students of Rochester.
But I just don't see how it will all work out. So that is why I live day to day.
I have faith it will all come togther. I know God has all the details worked out. He would not have given me a heart for teaching...a heart for children unless he had a plan to use it.
And so tomorrow I will get up at 8am. Eat breakfast with Lily. I will finish my English paper. And go to school. and continue to go along in this life God has given me, trusting that all things work together for the good of those that love Him.
One day at a time.
posted by Calm at 10:50 PM
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