Sorry!

Wow...more than a month since my last post! Can you tell it's been hectic?

I have one more final until I receive my associates in elementary education (a basically worthless degree) and then on to Brockport.

We found daycare and the woman is willing to work with what we can afford!! She is a sweet lady, mother of 5 and grandmother of 7 (all under 4 years old!). She is currently only watching one other child (10 month old boy), which will really help Lily in adjusting to this change. I am still sad to have to leave her with someone other than a family member, but I know she will be completely fine.

Lily amazes us every day with how much she understands of our world. She still isn't saying many words, but she is using sign language a lot more which is so sweet to see! She loves to draw (all over my homework!) and be outside (why does it have to be so cold here?!?), and read books. She does still have quite a temper, but she is never upset for long. She likes to help clean (especially scrubbing her crayon markings off the floor) and loves music (such a cute little dancer). We were watching 'Everybody Loves Raymond' tonight and Raymond was in a jazzersize class and Lily started copying the jazzersize moves- too cute!

We decided to adopt a dog and on Monday, Penny joined our family. She is a 1 year old hound/mix. I'll post pictures eventually ;). Ever try walking a hound? Not fun, she has to smell every little thing! But she is a sweet dog and so patient with Lily.

The day we got her I was doing dishes and realized I hadn't heard Lily for a few minutes, I went looking and she and Penny were lying on a blanket in our room staring at each other- Lily had her little arm on penny's side and they were content as ever. Of course by the time I got the camera Lily was up and running around again.

So, that is about all. I am so thrilled to have a month break coming up- maybe the house will actually stay clean after our thorough weekend cleanings! Lily is great about putting her toys away, but just as good at getting them all back out 5 minutes later, so during the week I just give up and leave them out. At least now we have Penny to pick up the floor after dinner...it's amazing how big of a mess a little girl can make!

The Future

For the last year or so my focus has been almost entirely on the here and now. Each day is planned. Moday I get up at 8am. I get breakfast for Lily and I. We play. We read. I finish some last minute homework. I go to school. I get Lily lunch. I get her to nap. I go to work. I make dinner. I play with Lily. I put Lily to bed. I do homework. Everyday goes in pretty much this order. There is no time to think of tomorrow, next week or even next year. I don't know that this is a bad thing.

But there are days where it's more challenging to ignore the future. In less than 2 months I will have to find a daycare for Lily. In less than 2 months we will somehow have to squeeze $500-$1000 out of our pitiful paychecks every month to pay for this daycare, and I am pretty sure we won't be able to do that without debt . In 3 months I will be at Brockport and we will have to take out student loans. More debt. SOmething I had hoped to avoid. I think about going back to work full-time to help cover the cost of daycare, but then I worry about working full-time and going to school full-time and being a good mommy to Lily. I'm already having my butt kicked working part-time and attending MCC full-time.

It's overwhelming.

The thought of trusting my daughter into someone else's hand- someone who we are not related to and will never love her as we do, is the most challenging aspect of our near future. I'm not ready to give up finishing school, but I am wondering if I am just being selfish...

I know teaching will bring more financial security to our family. I know it is something that will bring me joy. I know my heart is with the city students of Rochester.

But I just don't see how it will all work out. So that is why I live day to day.

I have faith it will all come togther. I know God has all the details worked out. He would not have given me a heart for teaching...a heart for children unless he had a plan to use it.

And so tomorrow I will get up at 8am. Eat breakfast with Lily. I will finish my English paper. And go to school. and continue to go along in this life God has given me, trusting that all things work together for the good of those that love Him.

One day at a time.

Pictures!

Pictures!

Yes, even beautiful babies have bad hair days :)

I just love her eye lashes!

I actually caught a smile- be it a goofy one but it's a smile!! :)

Daddy's little helper.

Ryan was tired of shaving with cold water so

he finally fixed the hot water in the bathroom :)

Letchworth Pics...

Some Pictures

These are from her Birthday Party in August...

Tasting the sand- not too impressed :)
Here Grandma- you try it!
Mmmm....birthday cake is MUCH tastier than sand...

Playing with a new toy...

My Baby is One

Gosh how fast this year has gone. To think that just over a year ago I was still pregnant anxiously awaiting my stubborn little girl.

That stubborn personality that she gave me a glimpse at last year as she had me wait 12 extra days for her arrival has shown even truer these last few months. She sure is a child after her mother's own heart!

Who would think that a 12 month old could melt-down in a grocery store because you put the can of soup, that she pulled off the shelf, back? Or that she crumple to the floor in a heap, screaming because the someone she doesn't want to see walks into the room? Or that she will push you away if you try to hug her when she is playing? Such an independent little thing!

But she knows how to make her mama smile. The other day she was playing on the floor and randomly stood up and walked over to me and kissed my cheek- and the promptly ran back to her toys. My heart melted.

On another day I randomly asked her to dance- I had no clue that she even knew what dancing was- and she does this hilarious little jig. Now every time we ask her to dance, she gets this big grin on her face and shakes her little diaper butt and bounces her knees. Gosh is she adorable!

She loves to wave and blow kisses (even to complete strangers). If she is upset all we have to do is bring her on to the front porch and she'll just sit there waving to the cars and people as they pass by- content as could be.

She loves to laugh. If people around her are laughing she feels the need to laugh as well and has this hilarious fake laugh. She also fakes coughing when someone else coughs or sneezes. Such a copycat!

The other night we were watching the Republican Convention on TV and Lily scooted herself to the edge of the couch like she was completely intrigued by what was being said and would randomly start clapping and smiling- as though she understood what they were saying. I think we might have a future republican on our hands- though we didn't watch the Democratic Convention at all so she really only knows one side of the story- LOL :). Don't worry- I'llstay away from politic on my blog.

One year old. Amazing.

From a baby that pretty much just cried, ate, pooped and slept to an independent, spirited toddler in merely 12 months time.

Last night, a woman I know only on-line, lost her 14-month-old son in a tragic accident last night.(http://edmonton.ctv.ca/servlet/an/lo...b=EdmontonHome, http://www.canada.com/edmontonjourna...6-073cff263f67, http://www.cbc.ca/canada/edmonton/st...d.html?ref=rss) And throughout the evening I can't help but think that I don't know how I would make it through such a tragedy. I cannot imagine the horror Sarah (his mom) felt when the cops pulled her over on her way home to tell her that her little son had passed. The guilt the father feels.

I've held Lily a little closer, a little tighter and a little longer tonight that normal. When she melted down over a toy, instead of becoming frustrated, I thanked God I have my daughter and I thank him for her safety. It only takes a second. One second for your life to change forever. One second.

Those who blame the parents, probably don't have children. Don't understand the meaning of 'constant movement'. Yes, this could have been prevented, but I cannot blame little Reed's parents. Tragedy like this can befall even the best of parents. We do our best to keep our children safe- but we aren't perfect, we cannot be perfect, and that scares the crap out of me. I know I must trust my Lily to her Father, but the fear remains.

Anyway, some happy news?

We close on our new home on Thursday!!!!

Back to my Busy Life

So...after 3 weeks off of work- I am back to work. I do love my job, so it's not bad, but I am still trying to get everything completely set for the new school year.

I am also back to school. Not too bad so far but I am definitely getting a glimpse into how crazy I am going to be in a few short weeks. I really should have thought twice about taking 3 writing-intensive courses as well as a math course...and 60 hours of service learning...

We are still not in our new home...we are just finishing week 4 of living back at my parents. After 6 years of living either on my own or with just Ryan I'm not quite liking this whole lack of privacy thing or the fact that most of everything I own is in storage and I am living out of one suitcase. But it will all be worth it when we are finally 'home'.

Lily's birthday party was Saturday...can you belive that in 2 short days my baby will be one?? She is already walking and says=and understand so much. Where has the time gone...

Anyway, she just woke from a nap and we have to get ready to go...

A moment to Remember...

Remembering precious Damien today. One year ago today little Damien was he born still and instead of celebrating his 1st birthday we are mourning the life he never got to live. His mother and I were both due in August 2007 and her loss is always on my heart. It could have so easily been my own. I cannot imagine her pain.

A Lament for My Baby
I never got to hear you laugh
you never saw me cry
didnt get a chance to say "Hello"
you never said "Goodbye"
I didn't think that I could feel
so sad, lost and forlorn.
I never knew God chose his Angels
before some of them were born.
Your life was short yet special
I shared it all exclusively
I felt you breathe, I felt you kick.
You were alive inside of me.
Every baby is an Angel
and every angel is divine
God needed one in heaven
He came down and took mine
And although we are not together
we're not really apart
for you'll always occupy a space
deep within my heart.
Time has begun to ease my pain
It's only some days now I cry.
When I wish I could have said "Hello"
and heard you say "Goodbye"
~Author Unknown