Some weeks I cannot wait to be out of Ohio. To be home. To be done with this part of my life.

And yet I wonder if leaving will be all that different. If I'll actually feel better or be happy. Obviously it will be change, but will it be different? Or am I just trying to change what's on the outside instead taking a deep look inside?

I seem to struggle through each day lately. I'm tired. Tired of my job. Tired of being lonely. Tired of going nowhere.

I have this picture of living in New York, working a job I love, married to the most wonderful man in the world, belonging to a church, etc. But is that really what it wil be? I guess there is no way to know for sure, but I think I need to be prepared for it to not be as easy and rewarding as I dream it will be. I have to realize it's not going to be perfect. But when you're 21 and engaged to be married in two months it's hard to realize that life isn't always perfect or fair or always beautiful.

Just because I'm in a different city doesn't mean anything else is going to change.

It's going to be hard to balance full-time work with full-time school. It's going to be different to be only 45 minutes or less from my family. It's going to be different to learn to adjust to live with someone else after almost 4 years of living alone.

I am excited. I just have to remember that I cannot only change the outside, I have to be willing to work on what's inside as well.