Goodness

As I said in my last post- things were tough and I desperately needed to learn that perfection should not by my goal.

For the first time in a long while, I can say that with a lot of effort and work, I can finally see myself truly growing in this area. At work, I've been working on not taking people's comments, glares, rudeness, etc. personally, and leaving my work at work instead of bringing it home with me every night. I had a horrible habit of bringing my work stresses home and taking them out on Ryan. The poor guy never knew what to do and this was not a fair position to put him or I in. I just had to come to the conclusion that not everyone is going to like me and that so long as I am doing my work and doing it well, I should really not be concerned with whether or not I am liked (I truly don't get paid enough try to be liked by everyone). The stress that has been lifted from my shoulders is incredible. And Ryan isn't terrified to ask how my day was :-)!

I don't think I ever truly thought I could grow in the area of accepting myself as I am, but I'm so glad I have. Obviously, I have a long way to go, but just accepting that not everyone has to like me has given me more freedom to be myself- to learn and grow the real me- instead of the "me" I thought people wanted to see.

This is no profound or deep post- it is more a post to say for the first time in a very long time I think my life is begining to take shape-to heal- and to be truly happy.

And of course, I can't end my post without a Lillyanne update. I have my next appt/ultrasound on Monday- I so cannot wait to see lil Lilly again! I was showing some of the girls at work the video from my last ultrasound today- I definately had some mother's pride going on! I just cannot wait to hold her in my arms.