Exhaustion is setting in

It seems lately I am always the first to try to do it all and the last to ask for help. Things are really getting hectic lately. I guess it is frustrating because for so long I have felt like I'm finally catching up, finally feeling good, finally truly happy. But for the last few weeks I have felt like I am losing control.

I rarely resort to tears, but yesterday, as I was sitting in our car waiting for my husband to get off work so I could go to school figure out whether or not I was going to have to pay for a class I never went to because I though it didn't start until next week, the tears came. I tried to hold them back...I mean if I have to cry I would truly prefer to not do it in a parking lot at work...but they came anyway. I just wanted someone to talk to...I just wanted someone to listen...all the while forgetting that there is Someone who cares, Someone who wants to hear my voice, someone who wants to hold me in his arms...Someone who loved me even before time began. And as I cried I started talking. Talking to my Father...I told him everything I'd been holding inside...the tears dried and I found the strength I needed to face the rest of the day...

I think for too long I've tried to do it all by myself...I've forgotten my own limitations and I've forgotten my Father's strength...

I am struggling right now with a battle I was sure was already won. And it frustrates me. Which then of course just makes everything worse. But I'm not alone.

Things aren't going to magically get better...an I'm probably not going to wake up tomorrow free of these struggles, but now I have found a source of hope...and for tonight that is enough.

Work has been tough. I've been moved to a site with very high needs. And that is okay...but it is hard when I had just gotten used to and happy at my previous site. I was finally seriously happy to go to work and absolutely loved my job...and I'm not saying that I won't learn to love where I am at now, but it is very tiring and it will take time. I know they moved my because they believe my strengths will be of great benefit to this new struggling site- and I should be proud that my work has been noticed, but I was enjoying the "break"- I was enjoying not having to bring work home with me- it not being my main topic of conversation- going home and not being in physical pain. For 3 years my life was work and it burned me out- so the break was such a breath of fresh air...

School is alright- I love my sign language class and my psych class is difficult but okay. I just need to find balance.

Married life couldn't be better. Ryan has been so good to me throughout this transition time and I am working hard to recognize the difficulty he is facing with the move and new job. We have been back to Ohio a few times and I think he is driving down again the weekend. He is so patient and understanding with me.

I guess the hardest part about the move for both of us is the loss of friendships and the challenge is gaining new friendships. We are both a bit shy around new people and honestly I do not know how to meet new people. In Ohio it wasn't that hard because I met people at work and at the Clinic- but right now neither of us work with people our age and when we do they have a different kind of social life (drinking, partying, etc). We prefer to go out in small groups, play games, watch movies, talk, have dinner, etc. I really just want someone I can call and just talk to, someone I can go out for lunch with on the weekends, someone who really knows ME and I really know them.

Anyway- I'm rambling...